Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize