If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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