I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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