Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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