Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
