anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
A+ Viking dick
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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