you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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