Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
