why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
