We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Randomize
