I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
