Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
