There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
