so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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