I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
