3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
