Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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