I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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