I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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