I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
