And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
