whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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