do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why are your pants in the freezer?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
