you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Be still, my beating vagina.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
