accomplished twins. life is a go
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
