Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
