I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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