Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
