Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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