just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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