I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
