Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
only you would photoshop your dick
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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