I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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