ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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