Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
