Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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