listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
