ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got inside last night via doggy door
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
