Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
