I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
