I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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