Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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