what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
