I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
