You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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