Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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