at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
