We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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