Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
