'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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