I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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