u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
