I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
