6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish you could order shots online.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
