A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When are your genitals available?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize