The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
