Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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