I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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