Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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