You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
