He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
