things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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