once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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