I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
