I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
