dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
