I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
