I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
