My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
