who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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