Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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