just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
