I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
